I “attended” a virtual query letter “boot camp” last month. Angie Hodapp talked about some pitfalls you might fall into while writing your query letter pitch — the part where you describe your story and try to hook the agent or editor.
First, here are some awkward phrases to avoid:
- “Have you ever wondered…?”
- “What would you do if …?”
- “Imagine a world ….”
- “Picture this: ….”
- “Allow me to transport you to ….”
If your pitch contains any of these phrases, rewrite it at once! These are major cliches your agent or editor has seen more times than you can imagine. Try to sound a little more professional and less like a used car salesman.
Here are some more query letter pitfalls to avoid:
- Your pitch has no character — it’s all world or all premise. You need a good mix of character, world, and premise to hook your agent or editor.
- Your pitch is all character with no world or premise. Again, try for that healthy mixture.
- Your GMCS is missing or vague — that’s Goal, Motivation, Conflict, and Stakes, and you should have all four and each should be clear and definite.
- You have a lot of made up or hard to pronounce words. Save those for the novel itself.
- You’re pitching your devices instead of your story — you’re going into detail about your flashback or foreshadowing, while forgetting to actually tell the story.
Here’s what you should have in a successful query letter:
- A short, polite greeting: if you have something pertinent to add, like you met the agent at a conference and they asked you to send a query, or if you read on their website they’re looking for exactly what you’ve written, then mention that. Otherwise, a short paragraph telling the name of your novel, the genre, word count, and if it’s adult, YA, MG, or children’s. Notice I’m assuming your manuscript is completed and edited at least once — you should not be sending query letters if you’re not totally finished and polished.
- The pitch: this is the back cover blurb for your novel. It should be one to three paragraphs (but no longer) and should not give away the ending or major plot twist (unless that’s necessary to hook the readers). It should be in third person like a book blurb, and should give only the main plot, not subplots or side quests.
- Your bio: this is a short paragraph about you. If you’ve got writing credentials, list where you’ve been published. If your career or hobby ties directly into your novel, mention that. If this is your first novel or story, just tell a very little bit, like “I live in Colorado with my husband and six cats.”
- End with something along the lines of “Thank you for your time,” and polish that letter until its absolutely perfect. Then send it out.
Your query letter should be as polished as your manuscript. Don’t just dash something off and hit “send.” Make sure every sentence is needed and moves the letter along. Make it a letter your agent or editor will not be able to turn away from. Grab their attention and keep it until the signature. This takes a lot of editing, a good bit of sweat, and some mental agony, but it’s worth it to get your letter out of the slush pile.